crazylamb1 (crazylamb1) wrote,

I'm in love - but not with you!

News mention #1: Ari is in love. Majorly. Think back to Liz-like love. Actually, after Liz, this is definitely "next" as far as how hard I've fallen...

News mention #2: Ari has a girlfriend. Cutie-pie.

News mention #3: News mention #1 and News mention #2 do not refer to the same person. Not good. 

To elaborate... I believe I have mentioned here before the boy that I'm nutso about... That is the subject of News mention #1. My love. More on him later.

The subject of News mention #2, however, is a girl named Asmira, or more commonly, Seka (her nickname, meaning "sis").  I noticed her in town a while back..thought she was cute... a friend's friend knows her, and the two of them kissed and I found out she's bi but more into the ladies... and I told the friend's friend that I think she's cute...and so later we met. We'd gone out together once, chatted, t'was nice.. Our second date, we shared our first kiss (and second and third and...). Our third date was similar to the second. And tonight my little group of friends went out and she joined us. 

My thoughts/feelings regarding the gal: I like her, it's all nice... and if things were different, I might have been SUPER excited about all this. Now, as things stand..I feel like she's there to keep me busy, to hold me over.. Well, that might sound a little colder than it actually is, but I just simply am not very emotionally invested in this yet. I kind of doubt I'll become much more attached any time soon, but time will tell. 

I've noticed that when I fall hard for one person, no one else really interests me.. This with Seka just sort of happened and I didn't wanna let what happened with Liz repeat itself. I didn't want to just blow everyone else off again. No. I know I can't be with him, so I'm not going to be celibate now. That's sort of what happened with Liz. There were a few other opportunities and I just didn't pursue any of them because I was into Liz and didn't think it was fair to be with anyone else and I wanted to keep myself available for her. This time around, well, I'm even LESS likely to end up with Ado (the subject of next to all my dreams - ie. the one I love) and I've learned from my previous experience and thus I've decided to pursue this opportunity with Seka. Who knows? Maybe I'll even get over him in time and will be able to be committed to this gal emotionally. Doubtful, but possible.

Also, this time, I'm more careful that he doesn't find out I'm into him because that would mean disaster. I doubt we'd hang out anymore because he's loyal to his gal and she couldn't have us hanging out when she'd be fearing that I'd try and steal him from her. And I need him as a friend because my love for him is primarily as a friend, and then romantically. I think the only thing that could tear our friendship apart is the possibillity of one (or both) of them finding out how I feel about him. We get along so perfectly well... and he told me that tonight too.

He said he loves me and that I am the best friend he's EVER had. Ever. He says that apart from his gf I'm the only one he's gotten along with this well. It's like we agree on almost everything and I don't know..we never get sick of each other. We could be together day and night and then again the next day and next night...and we'd still miss each other if we spent a day apart. I absolutely adore him. My bestest friend here. Aside from my cousin Dino. He also says the same for me: he loves me as much as his cousin Elma, who he also considers his best friend. So it's all the same. Except that he might not feel the romantic side of things...

Interesting tidbit that probably means absolutely nothing..tonight he told me to give him a hug..and we hugged...and he kissed my cheek..and I kissed him and we kept holding on SO tightly and I told him I'd never let go and he told me not to (let go)... and when I eventually was about to end the hug, he pulled me in again tightly. Then one of our friends said that if we wanna grope each other, we should go to another room and that he wouldn't tell anyone, LoL. 

I love him on so many levels, it's indescribeable. If he had been single when we met and things developed the way they have..I'm fairly certain we'd have been in a relationship by now. And I'm almost as certain that if him and his current gal ever do break up that things will develop between us... There's a bit of doubt because we're ALL friends..meaning, I'm friends with her too and so, being with her ex would mean betrayal of her, especially if I kept in touch with her after they broke up. So, if her and my friendship deteriorated after they broke up, then it's quite likely that I could end up with him later on... however, if we were to stay friends.. I'd feel horrible and couldn't do it. However, me doubts they'll break up...they've been together for over 3 years now..and they're only 20 and 17 (18 in Nov.). 

Oh, by the way, my gal is 2 and a half years younger than me... she'll be 18 in a couple of weeks.. so she's only about a month older than his gal... and I'm almost half a year older than him. 

Anyway, enough blabber. I'm just super excited about all the wonderful things he said to me last night. I'm so glad our friendship has become so strong... I just wish that I either didn't feel the romantic side of things or that things could further develop between us. And that's all.

Oh, and him and I have also been playing together the past couple days..him on bass, me on drums. Awesomeness. Got a couple of instrumentals thought up that we need to work out fully and we've been working on some covers too and things are just fucking amazing with him.

To close, I'll attach a couple of pics of him just because I want to. Nite-t-nite.

Out for coffee  A little eye make-up :) 
(we put a bit of eye-liner on him in that second one..looked better live than on camera - he was reminiscent of Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow).

And here's a few of me with my new 'do (and fake piercings):
 Newhawk  More Newhawkiness 
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