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Sunday, March 25th, 2007

Time:4:17 am.
Mood: crushed.
I need to write..because I haven't in a while.
I need to write..because I have to let it out.

I deserved this...didn't I?

I deserved every little bit of it.
Why do we hurt each other?
Because we care.
If we didn't care, it wouldn't hurt.

In the here and now... I AM in love. For the first time in the reciprocated fashion. For the first time in a relationship.. Over 6 months now. It's finally happened. Everything I used to long for, I have...

Or do I?

I wrote a little poem sort of thing a few hours ago about this:

One More

Why do you keep doing this...
I feel you betray me...
Once more...
But I can't let you go...

I can't do this...
This isn't me...
I should let go...

One lie...
One let-down...
It should be enough
For me to let you go...

Why can't I?
Why am I holding on?
I love you...
But things don't happen just once...
and then again...
and then stop.

There'll be more betrayals or lies..
Along with your excuses...
Goodbyes, traditions, what'll it be next?
How much more will I take?

I promise myself...
One more lie...
One more let-down...
Just one.
And I'll let go.


I plan to keep my promise.

I think that altogether (when including the text behind the lj-cuts), this is the longest entry I've written to date. I've written it for me... because I couldn't hold it in. I'd actually prefer people didn't read it...especially that last LJ-cut... because it's too long and unimportant to anyone but me and one other person. With that, I'm off. Into sleep-land I come. At the wee hours of 5.30 in the morning.
4 thoughts - think.

Thursday, February 15th, 2007

Subject:Boyish Girlish Grrl Boi
Time:1:31 pm.
You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

Wednesday, January 17th, 2007

Subject:Thoughts, updates...
Time:3:18 am.
Mood: content.
It's been a while - four months now, to be exact. Being that the former entry is really out-dated, I felt the need to update. I've been meaning to for quite a while, but just never got around to it. On with the show...

First, regarding that person... the one I was "crazy for" or however I said it. That is no more. How so? Well, let's just say I realised that he isn't who I thought he was and my attraction existed mostly on a physical basis because it did begin before I got to know him. The fact that we got along so well as friends only solidified my feelings, or actually, turned the physical attraction/lust into an actual emotional attachment. I realised that there is no way I would ever be with him, and for about a month now I feel nothing but friendship towards him. As a friend he's great most of the time, but I would hate to be in his girlfriend's position. He is everything I don't want in a romantic partner. I think we'd get along for a while... a SHORT while, and then he'd get M A D and it would quickly fall apart. Or I'd have a roller-coaster relationship like they do. There was one specific day on which I became a little disgusted by him (Dec. 16th - when he acted horribly towards my GF and me...later on, he ended up getting into a fight-unrelated to my disgust for him then). Since that day, I've been capable of seeing how unfit a relationship with him would be and I've been a little more distant than I was before. I still love him madly... but only as a friend, and maybe even a tad less than I did before. Now, I wouldn't be with him even if he left his GF and came begging me to be with him. No, thanks. I like to avoid bringing conflict into my life if I can.

Now, this moves me on to my next point. The girl. The one I started dating a little over 4 months ago... the one I mentioned in my last post. We're still together! Amazing, no? Actually, a month ago (on Dec. 11th) I broke it off... for a couple of reasons - one of which I think resulted from my infatuation with the aforementioned boy and the other reason was a problem that needed to be addressed. I actually, at that time, thought the break-up wouldn't faze me much. I thought I'd just be a bit sad that I had to hurt her feelings, but that I would be sad to actually let her go, I didn't expect. I really thought I would be apathetic in all of that. No pain. Boy was I wrong. I didn't even notice that while I was prolonging what I figured was an unavoidable break-up, I was growing more and more attached to her. We made up the following day. And during those two days my feelings for him seemed to fade into the background as she entered the foreground. Then, under his influence, I again re-considered breaking up, until the 16th, when he died in my eyes (romantically), and she took over fully. From then on, it's been nothing short of amazing with her. Yes, I can honestly say, I am totally, utterly in love with her. I can see myself with her long-term. In short, she is the opposite of him: she's everything I want in a romantic partner.

I seriously believe that we will stay together for a long time to come - indefinitely, let's just say. And I plan to ask her to move in with me once I graduate and move into my own place next year. Unless this would be a problem with the 'rents (and maybe even then), there will probably be nothing stopping her.

Life is good.

On a sadder note, I'm becoming less interested in school and am looking forward to graduating more and more each day.

Saturday, September 16th, 2006

Subject:I'm in love - but not with you!
Time:2:07 am.
Mood: enthralled.
News mention #1: Ari is in love. Majorly. Think back to Liz-like love. Actually, after Liz, this is definitely "next" as far as how hard I've fallen...

News mention #2: Ari has a girlfriend. Cutie-pie.

News mention #3: News mention #1 and News mention #2 do not refer to the same person. Not good. 

4 thoughts - think.

Wednesday, July 26th, 2006

Subject:Update time!
Time:4:42 am.
Mood: curious.
Okay, so I really haven't been posting here AT ALL lately...

Regarding "the boy" - that's all long gone... after a wonderful 3 days at his apartment at the end of May/beginning of June we exchanged a few messages (by way of cell phone) and it just sort of evaporated after that... I actually saw him for a second tonight from a distance. So, it appears he's back in town. I didn't want to go say hi and he didn't see me as far as I could tell. It was good and fun while it lasted but it was clear that it wasn't something either of us wanted to invest in. So it functioned perfectly well when it did.

Random babble about new eye-candy/romantic-interests, new friends, music tastes...Collapse )

OOOH! One more thing - I got a new hair-cut! Yup. Tis shorter now... and my right side is close to shaved..it has something like stripes there... the left side is longer... Me likes it. Not sure what I'll do after this grows out a bit - either do the same thing, different style but still short, or grow it out... Actually considering the last option and then dreading it... but I also worry because I know I'm not one for keeping one hair style for a long time, and I have a fondness of dreads and so I feel like I'd like to have them for a while..but at the same time I feel like I'd need a change after a few months...hmm maybe hair-dye can help me there... We'll see.

So. This entry is far too disorganised and long and full of useless thoughts and facts but who cares, it's mine, if you read it, don't complain - nobody forced you (I hope not, at least). And at least I used an LJ-cut to save folks from useless scrolling.

Friday, June 16th, 2006

Subject:From the old to the new
Time:3:02 am.
Mood: aggravated.
Lots of reminiscing tonight... Thought back to some old days, old feelings... realised that they're probably just fond (and in some instances bitter) memories and that time has done it's job fairly well.

I think I'm finally ready to move on to a new phase as far as said person is concerned. After not having communicated at all in the past... nearly 4 months, the heart has finally put a seal on what was.. and I think it can finally progress to a new stage emotionally. I don't think new messages, new contact would cause old feelings to resurface - not anymore. Maybe just a memory of old feelings, but not the feelings themselves. At last. We have reached the point. The scars have been healed.

It's been far too long... 3 and a half years now. It's about time.

As for the boi.. I don't really care what happens there. I'm a little disappointed by who he is..what he's like. If I never heard from him again, I wouldn't care.. or, if I find it doesn't bother me, we may stay "friends with benefits". I mean, if it doesn't bother me to be friends with such a person... we'll see. Once I'm around him more. I haven't seen him since I learned a few new things about him... I don't know what that'll be like.

Oh, and the gal.. I really dig the gal. I want the gal. Please oh please let her be non-straight. Let her like me. She's such a cutie... reminds me a little of two gals I previously was into. That may be why specifically those two gals entered my mind today. Two old crushes. Well. One was more than just a crush. Yes, the one I talked about at the beginning of this post. But it's odd that she reminds me of both of them, when those two never reminded me of each other in any way. Actually, she doesn't remind me of Liz as much as the other gal... but there's just SOMETHING... a very little part of her reminds me of Liz. Quite tiny really. And I can't explain what it is... As for my other old-crush, there's really some resemblence. Not so much physically, but her mannerisms... her presence.

Oh screw this all. Nothing ever works out. To predict: things will now fully fall apart w/ the boi. The grrl will turn out to be straight. And the other two gals that have shown some interest in me will just sort of disappear (one has already started to... the other seems weird and stupid and wants to have a gal to screw around with when her boyfriend isn't around). And that covers it.

Nothing ever works out.

Will that ever change for me?

Fuck it all.

I shouldn't be thinking about this. Not now. Must focus on exams. *sigh* Why can't I just skip this part...

*rolls eyes* I'm tiring myself out. Anyone else tired of my whining?
4 thoughts - think.

Tuesday, June 13th, 2006

Subject:What dwells inside...
Time:3:39 am.
Mood: exhausted.
It's been far too long. Far too much is left unsaid.

So many complications.

One - Ari doesn't have a boyfriend. Well, *sigh* sort of. I don't know. I don't know what we are or what I want us to be.

Two - Ari is appalled by how easily someone could shake her friendship with her best friend.

Three - Exams are just around the corner and I've barely begun studying.

Four - Ari has a new grrl-crush whose desires she knows nothing about. Does she fancy the ladies or the gents? Mayhaps both? Mayhaps ME?

Let's get more open..Collapse )

Inside that lj-cut is a lot of uselesss babbling.. read only if super-bored with nothing better to do. Maybe not even then. Just a warning, because it's boring. Little thoughts inside my little head.
1 thought - think.

Sunday, May 14th, 2006

Time:3:32 pm.
Mood: indescribable.
It. Has. Happened.

As of yesterday, Ari has officially got herself a boyfriend (and *whispers* she lost her virginity last night). No, I can't even BELIEVE it.

To add to the issue, today, the girl I mentioned earlier - Maja - contacted me...sent me a message told me she's been in the hospital and she hasn't forgotten me...


Boy. Girl. Boy. Girl. Girl. Boy. BOTH?!

Couldn't I have both?

I so long to have both.

I rrrreally like them both (well, I barely know the girl, but still).

Grrr... How is it that Ari is single for.. a good 3 and a half years now, and then suddenly has TWO opportunities, a day apart from each other, to be with those she likes?! No fair.

If only they'd both be ok with me being with both of them... *sigh*

To think, just a few short weeks ago, I was complaining about not having anyone interested in me that I'm interested in...and not getting any "action" - be it kissing or anything more. And now... last night..and more opportunities seem to be arising.

Major. Dilemma.

*rips hair out*

PS. To add to all the "excitement", my parents are coming here tonight from Canada. My sister is getting married this Saturday (the 20th). Exams are coming soon. I have started giving drum lessons to a girl in 7th grade. GAHHH! Too much to deal with all at once!
3 thoughts - think.

Thursday, May 4th, 2006

Subject:I want. I really want.
Time:2:19 am.
Mood: lonely.
I feel like crying at the moment.

Not for any specific reason..I just feel it.

I think the main reason is that I miss... emotions. I haven't been ATTACHED to someone for a really long time. I don't just mean in that "romantic" sense, or having a crush or anything..even friendship. Ever since my friendship with Sabina and Dado ended, it hasn't been the same... well, I have Marina. She is my bestest friend here (aside from my cousin Dino, of course) and I love her to death...but it lacks that SOMETHING, that excitement that I felt with Sabina and Dado...

Babbling about bois, grrls, and other catastrophes...Collapse )

To conclude: I want. I really want.
4 thoughts - think.

Friday, April 21st, 2006

Subject:Androgyny - real post to follow later
Time:4:25 am.
Mood: rushed.
You scored as Either. You brain is neither specifically male nor female dominated in the way you perceive things and as bad as this sounds it can easily mean that you are capable of combining both limiting gender aspects to your advantage. Rather than being genderless you are possibly able think freely. This does not nec. mean that you are bisexual or androgynous or indecisive, though it might.










Should you be MALE or FEMALE?*
created with QuizFarm.com
2 thoughts - think.

Thursday, April 13th, 2006

Time:3:47 am.
Mood: crazy.
Okay..so I've been lazy again. Can't believe it's been a month since the last update...

So, I've been promising myself to start studying soon.. got a midterm next Thursday (the 20th). Exams start in June...

Doubt I'll be coming to Canada this summer... have other plans here in BiH/Croatia. And it's just too darn expensive

Oh..so guess what? Ari had a chance to have some "uncommitted fun" with some gal, but she was getting on my nerves, so I didn't.

And another note: I'm meeting up with a gal TOMORROW. He he he. Should be interesting. I've seen her in a music video of a local band...but that's from a few years ago, so it's not all that accurate. She dressed kind of goth-like then, sort of.. Now she says she's more "femme and sexy". So...we'll see if we click... She was definitely a cutie in the video. Oh, and she's bi.

Mmm... what else?? Ohhh got in touch with an ooold friend of mine again! We went to grades 1-3 together - before I moved to Canada. So he got a hold of me online (on MSN). Seems he's made quite a name for himself... doing music. We'll see how much of what he says is actually true, but, you never know.

And that, my friends, about sums things up... My sis' wedding is coming up relatively shortly... in a bit over a month (May 20).

So I'll be off now! Toodles!

Sunday, March 12th, 2006

Time:3:21 am.
Mood: cheerful.
Hi everybody!

Tis I, the one and only, Ari. Just thought I should update WHILE somewhere else. Not all..home...and alone and..

Currently at a friend's celebrating a cousin's b-day.

Fun times.

Um. Yes. That is all.

Goodbye. Back to being "alive".

Tuesday, March 7th, 2006

Subject:bla, bla, bla
Time:12:09 am.
Mood: content.
Exam today. The oral I had mentioned. Got an 8. Pleased.

Going to see Pride & Prejudice at the movies tomorrow. HOPE they actually get Brokeback Mountain eventually, I'd like to see that!

My cousin's b-day is on the 8th. Technically tomorrow (it's just past midnight here). He'll be...only 17. Aw. LoL. Got him his present already. Dunno what we'll be doing...just going out or ??

*sighs* wish there were more interesting things to do here. Options - movie theater, go for coffee/food, go to someone's place. There IS one club but *shudders* it is HORRIBLE there. Went once for my freshmen party type thing when I started uni. here.

There HAVE been a couple of local gigs held, and that was fun...but there aren't many and hardly anyone else is willing to come w/ me when they DO happen.

Canada, here I come! Yeah, I'll be coming this summer. Just not sure yet whether I'll be staying for 4 weeks (ie. all of August) or Aug.+ Sept.

We'll see.

Ooh, the other day I saw a loverly black dress shirt and red tie - will buy. Both seem so gender-neutral and I love 'em. Together (and with tax) they cost $32.14 CAN. (or $18.63+tax for the shirt and $9.32+tax for the tie). Not bad, right?

That's all. I'm off now.


Thursday, March 2nd, 2006

Subject:School, Internet and CANADA
Time:11:49 pm.
Mood: okay.
Bah! I have an exam on Monday and I really truly don't feel like studying for it. Well, I mean, some of the stuff I already know, but it's a BOOK. Pah. I would need A LOT of time to really know all of it.

Hopefully the prof won't hassle me much (as I'm either the only, or one of two students taking this exam now). Anyway, the oral portion of the exam is only about 25% or so (the only part I have left - I've done the essay portion and the written exam). Should be fine... I have around 8 right now (scale is: 5 is a fail, 6-10 are passes). So, I should be fine and can probably get an 8 or so.

So, classes started this week. Have lectures this weekend (well, Fri&Sat there's a prof out of town coming), same w/ next weekend, and the one after that. GAH! How am I to survive this madness???


Been online less (much less) the last few days... looks like the initial internet craze has finally worn off! Thank goodness... I was staying online till around 4am every night! I guess I needed the first month and a bit to "catch up" being that I've been net-free for so long.

So, I'm off now. Just wanted to post a short update.

OOOH, and I've decided - I MUST pass all my exams by July because I don't want to spend all of September doing that! I wanna be in CANADA all of August and September! So, must study! Must figure out how to pass the friggin' exam giving *EVERYONE* trouble. PAH! We'll see. Worst case: I only stay in Canada for 4 weeks (in August).

I'm off.


Tuesday, February 28th, 2006

Subject:I are very well in know Englash!
Time:8:03 pm.
Mood: rushed.
You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 86% Advanced, and 73% Expert!
You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 68% on Beginner

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You scored higher than 45% on Intermediate

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You scored higher than 20% on Advanced

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You scored higher than 35% on Expert
Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test
6 thoughts - think.

Subject:I'm VERY well-rounded! *nods*
Time:6:38 pm.
Mood: bored.
Very Well-Rounded

You have:

The graph on the right represents your place in Intuition 2-Space. As you can see, you scored above average on emotional intuition and above average on scientific intuition. (Weirdly, your emotional and scientific intuitions are equally strong.)

Your Emotional Intuition score is a measure of how well you understand people, especially their unspoken needs and sympathies. A high score score usually indicates social grace and persuasiveness. A low score usually means you're good at Quake.

Your Scientific Intuition score tells you how in tune you are with the world around you; how well you understand your physical and intellectual environment. People with high scores here are apt to succeed in business and, of course, the sciences.

Try my other test!
The 3 Variable Funny Test
It rules.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 30% on Scientific

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 63% on Interpersonal
Link: The 2-Variable Intuition Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test
1 thought - think.

Monday, February 27th, 2006

Time:11:13 pm.
Mood: blank.
Ooooh, updates!

Yeah, I think I'll update more frequently from now on. But keep the entries shorter. Better that way.

Saw some friends today...haven't seen some of them in a week! (Why is it that not seeing friends here for a week seems incredibly long, yet when I used to see a friend once a week in Canada, it seemed normal?)

More wedding plans for my sis today.

Lectures up and running again tomorrow.

Oral exam (physics - passed the written) on Monday (the 6th). Should start studying.

Been feeling...needy. Or well... I miss liking someone. I have no one in particular to focus my energy on. I feel scattered. Small forces of attraction in many directions. I prefer having a strong attraction in one direction. Possible problem (well, reason): won't allow myself to develop strog emotional feelings for anyone who is "unavailable" (ie. straight and/or in a serious relationship). Actual problem: not too many queer folk who are out.

That's that. I'm off now. *waves*

Sunday, February 26th, 2006

Subject:A wedding, an exam, a movie, a girl and HANSON! *grins*
Time:1:02 am.
Mood: giggly.
So, here's Ari again..

Been looking around for ideas on what to wear to my sister's wedding..it's in under 3 months... on May 20th, to be exact.

This will be the first wedding I'll attend in my LIFE so I have no idea about how it will all be...

I wanna mix the colours RED and BLACK... other possible options are either WHITE with RED and/or BLACK, or PURPLE with RED and/or BLACK. But R&B (lol) is my primary choice. Anyhoo...

Was thinking I could wear a red dress, with black shoes, and a black little scarf I have from an old dress that I'd tie around my neck... OOOOR, the other way around (ie. black dress, red shoes and get a red scarf...)

Another option would be a plain black dress shirt, red tie...and either dress pants or skirt...not sure if that should be red or black.

GAH! So many options, dunno what to PICK!!

Anyway, aside from the wedding madness.
I passed an exam. Two out of three actually. Actually, I passed one, and the other I passed the written portion and have to wait for the prof to do the oral part. The third was a failure :(

Um, the system is a little different here.. you have 2 time-slots for each exam during each exam period (usually the 2 are about 2 weeks apart) and then there's always more time slots in each subsequent exam period, so it's not like you aren't given many chances to pass.

So, this first exam period I failed the one exam (I was the only 2nd year student taking it - the rest of the folks were 3rd year students still stuck w/ that exam). I may have another chance in April to take it again... and then in June/July... and then in September... and maybe in October too.

So, tons of exam periods!
Um. WWWhaaat else? OOOH! A movie theater opened here on Thursday!!! YAAAY! It looks so prettiful. There are 5 movies playing this week... went to see one last night.

It was Go West... which is a Bosnian movie. Really great! I'm usually not a big fan of movies from here, but this is one exception. It's AWESOME! Tis a story about two men in love, during the war that took place here in the 90s... at the beginning, I thought the author might take a dumb turn and make it into something STUPID, but to my surprise, I liked most of the things he did with the movie.

The other ones that are playing are the latest Harry Potter movie, that 3D Shark Boy/Lava Girl movie, Robots and Transporter 2, or whatever it is they're called. I have no desire to watch any of those, so Go West is all I'm seeing this week.
Things have been DRY in the love/romance/"action" department.

Been sort of just chatting online w/ this girl (also in Bosnia) who's in a situation I was sort of in a couple of years ago when my folks found out that I'm queer.

Apparently, moving her computer to the living room is going to help cure her. So now she basically can never go online to check her mail because there's someone home nearly all the time to see what she's doing. How horrible. She plans to lie and tell them she's "healed" so that she can get the computer back in her room.

Sounds a lot like moi. Agreed to come here and try to fit in and be "straight" only because I really saw it as a way out...away from their control (I imagine something like this girl's situation would have resulted in my house had I stayed). Of course, when questioned a year later, I didn't deny that I'm just as queer as ever.

*shrugs* I think they've grown more used to it now... but they still hope I'll "grow out of it". My mom sends me "subtle" messages to be smart (not just school-wise but in life too). Hmm... did I mention this already? Maybe not.

They seem to think I will be HAPPY if I "grow out of it" and decide to date boys. Yes, very happy. I'll just be DISGUSTED every time he tries to do anything more than hug me/cuddle with me and that's if we're super-close friends. I'll just feel like I'm lying to myself, to him, to everyone else around me, but who cares because I'll be HAPPY!

Anyhoo. Enough on that. Enough blabber. Ari must go sleep. Tis past 1am here now.
OH! One last note - MY MOMMY BOUGHT ME A CD!!!!!!! And not just any CD, folks!

The latest HANSON CD!!!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!!!! *giggles* I *heart* those boys! They make me smile. I feel like I've grown up with them. Nearly 9 years since I started listening to them!

SO, the CD is a live CD recorded in Australia last summer and it comes with a nifty bonus DVD!

There are a couple of covers on the CD - Radiohead's Optimistic, and U2's In A Little While. The rest are just various songs from various albums they've recorded in the past decade or so.

The DVD has some new music vids, live performances and a trailer for their new DOCUMENTARY!! That should be out on DVD sometime this year too! Actually, the CD my mom bought me came out in October last year...

Oh, and they're also working on a new STUDIO album!! That should be out later this year too, they claim (but I think that it will ACTUALLY be out next year).

I simply love HANSON!

Oh and also, I got a BUNCH (near 30 or so) of unreleased songs of theirs from when they were recording their LAST studio album...which BTW, took 4 years to release, because of record label issues...

This is what their Doc. deals with - the music biz, and the struggle artists have when dealing w/ labels like that... it's called "Strong Enought To Break" and they've been screening it at colleges around the U.S. the past few months and some schools have encorporated the film into their music/business courses!

Go to http://www.strongenoughtobreak.com or http://www.hanson.net for more info!

Okay, I promise, I'm shutting up now!



3 thoughts - think.

Friday, February 10th, 2006

Subject:Updating "normally"
Time:1:07 am.
Mood: busy.
So, let's actually update this thing now in a "true" way that I used to..describing thoughts, feelings, happenings and so on.

I'm sort of watching the Grammies as I write this...it's being shown on a Croatian TV station (hmm...started at 11:45pm here...which was 5:45pm over in Canada..on Feb.9th - when WERE the actual Grammies?? I doubt this could be live...they usually start around 8/9pm).

Anyhoo... let us see. What's up in Ari's little head these days?

I think I have more "objective" opinion-type things I could write that come to mind rather than emotions or something like that. Hmm... really have no idea what to say. Can that be? Maybe I'm just not used to writing this anymore... So, I'll just write what I AM thinking about then.

The whole issue regarding those pictures published in a Danish newspaper and the Muslims' reactions...

First off. There are evidently two sides to the argument that are self-evident (offending people's religions/beliefs and freedom of speech/press).

I don't side with either. Actually, I simply believe that whatever the law of the country decides is fine (that this freedom of speech needs to be restricted in cases where it's imposing on others' rights) or that freedom of speech can always, 100% of the time be practiced. Either way is fine, in my opinion, but the important issue is to be CONSISTENT and EQUAL in treatment.

What I mean here is, if news-media can be fined for displaying something that mocked the Pope (in a country with freedom of speech) then in this case, the newspaper can at least APOLOGIZE for any damage/offense their cartoons may have caused. OR, alternatively, all other cases of religious mockery should not have had legal repercussion either! Simply put, EQUAL TREATMENT.

That's one thing. Another thing to look at here is the REACTION of a lot of the Muslims! You would think that if someone is TRYING to make you look bad, you're gonna try and prove them WRONG by not doing exactly what they claimed you're like! Instead, these folks promoted the idea that they're violent by actually responding violently and making violent threats! In my opinion, these aren't the people that the cartoons were offending, really, because they aren't MUSLIMS, because Islam does not approve of violence. So, acting this way goes against everything they supposedly believe in. This was wrong and stupid of them.

I'm disgusted by both sides of this issue. The newspaper SHOULD have apologized in my opinion (or not printed the articles in the first place, either-or) AND regardless of the issue, the "Muslims" should not have responded in a way that at its best promotes violence! For crying out loud, didn't they see that that was the POINT?! They PRINTED the cartoons so as to provoke this sort of reaction and prove that Muslims ARE terrorists, or at the very least violent people. They should have been smart enough to know that the only way to TRULY be true to their faith AND to get a positive response out of people was to be the bigger "person" and simply say something to the effect of "what you did was very offensive and if you don't think you should be apologizing for it, you should be ashamed of yourselves. This act rests upon your conscience". That would have been VERY consistent with the Islamic faith and would have painted a POSITIVE picture of them, instead of further portraying them as nothing but violent terrorists!

*shakes head* All this makes me sad. To know how silly people act.

That's enough on that...

Maybe I'll post some other issues circling around my head in the next few days (the main ones having to do w/ gender as well as the origin of existence, the latter less so, it's just that I've "formulated" now what's been in my head for years...the former has also been in my head for years, but I don't think I've ever really discussed it much). There are of course other things floating around my head as well, but those are the things that came to mind at least.

Oh, I'll also mention something MUSICAL! A great band! (whose music is (legally) DOWNLOADABLE)

There's this band I've been listening to a lot lately, called Negative. They're from Serbia and Montenegro (one of the ex-Yugo countries..ie. my neighbours) and so, I figured I'd post a link to their site.

So, check out Negative's site. To navigate, I think after clicking one of the milk-cartons (the right one claims to require a Pentium 4 or AMD Athlon machine), the site will load and the woman (lead-singer and main composer of their music/lyrics) will be talking...you can't do anything on the site until she finishes. When she does, you can click on the green leaves, which mean, in order, "About us", "Media", "Music", "Forum", "News". In the "Media" section, there is the following (in order): Gallery, Music Videos, Winamp Skins, Wallpapers. Everything else should be self-explanatory.

Suppose you click on "Music". Yellow leaves will show up...on them are album titles. I don't know why they didn't list them in chronological order, so I will (least to most recent): 1. XIX.V.MM, 2. Negative, 3. Ni ovde ni tamo (meaning "neither here nor there"), 4. Tango. There are no sound clips from the first album. The two albums that followed are available to stream completely, and there are 4 songs off of Tango.

Or, if you'd like to DOWNLOAD their stuff, you can get full mp3 access to their complete 2nd album Negative, and to their 3rd album Ni Ovde Ni Tamo. And the 4 songs from the last (4th) album, Tango, are also available. I'd very much recommend you download some demos for the current, 4th album which are actually in ENGLISH (there are new versions of these exact songs on the album Tango, except in Serbian... I guess the singer first writes in English but then decides to re-write the lyrics in her mother-tongue). At least that's what I gathered based on these demos and the actual album.

Also, you can download all their music vids. Divx are the best quality, but are also the largest files, so pick and choose the quality as you like.

And with that I'm OUT!

Tuesday, February 7th, 2006

Subject:Yay, 20's!
Time:2:02 am.
Mood: gloomy.

It's February 7th, 2006 here in Bosnia, while in Canada tis still February 6th. So, here it's my birthday, there, it will be in 4 hours. (Here it's 2am, in Canada 8pm).

At a coffee earlier today (technically yesterday) got 2 happy birthday wishes from 2 gal-friends here in town.

Then, only minutes after the stroke of midnight (here) another friend of mine, Mirsada, sent the first wish on the day of my actual birthday to my cell.

Then, about an hour later, the second happy birthday wish of the day arrived by e-mail. Twas from Liz. "You have received a new mail message from Elizabeth Effinger" my MSN Messenger kindly informed me. Yup.

THUMP. Thump-thump. Thump-thump-THUMP. What a surprise. I thought it had long gone. (That's a lie and I know it).

I had been thinking not too long ago how it finally happened...full movement away. At least in A way. A moment.

It is different now. I've grown. Up. Away. Become stronger. Built up walls. Of concrete. Breakable by a single tear. Become "stronger". It may seem. Until a moment. A word. A thought.

Space. Time. Oh, what wonders! Oh, how they deceive! Another fresh coating. Keep moving further away. Layers. Upon layers. A scratch. Unveil the truth!

Simple are the ways of the heart. Key word: PERMANENT.

But at least time and space add the illusion none of us could survive without!

And with these HAPPY LOVELY thoughts - it's time to start...the 20's!

Over and OUT

5 thoughts - think.

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