crazylamb1 (crazylamb1) wrote,
crazylamb1
crazylamb1

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Thoughts, updates...

It's been a while - four months now, to be exact. Being that the former entry is really out-dated, I felt the need to update. I've been meaning to for quite a while, but just never got around to it. On with the show...

First, regarding that person... the one I was "crazy for" or however I said it. That is no more. How so? Well, let's just say I realised that he isn't who I thought he was and my attraction existed mostly on a physical basis because it did begin before I got to know him. The fact that we got along so well as friends only solidified my feelings, or actually, turned the physical attraction/lust into an actual emotional attachment. I realised that there is no way I would ever be with him, and for about a month now I feel nothing but friendship towards him. As a friend he's great most of the time, but I would hate to be in his girlfriend's position. He is everything I don't want in a romantic partner. I think we'd get along for a while... a SHORT while, and then he'd get M A D and it would quickly fall apart. Or I'd have a roller-coaster relationship like they do. There was one specific day on which I became a little disgusted by him (Dec. 16th - when he acted horribly towards my GF and me...later on, he ended up getting into a fight-unrelated to my disgust for him then). Since that day, I've been capable of seeing how unfit a relationship with him would be and I've been a little more distant than I was before. I still love him madly... but only as a friend, and maybe even a tad less than I did before. Now, I wouldn't be with him even if he left his GF and came begging me to be with him. No, thanks. I like to avoid bringing conflict into my life if I can.

Now, this moves me on to my next point. The girl. The one I started dating a little over 4 months ago... the one I mentioned in my last post. We're still together! Amazing, no? Actually, a month ago (on Dec. 11th) I broke it off... for a couple of reasons - one of which I think resulted from my infatuation with the aforementioned boy and the other reason was a problem that needed to be addressed. I actually, at that time, thought the break-up wouldn't faze me much. I thought I'd just be a bit sad that I had to hurt her feelings, but that I would be sad to actually let her go, I didn't expect. I really thought I would be apathetic in all of that. No pain. Boy was I wrong. I didn't even notice that while I was prolonging what I figured was an unavoidable break-up, I was growing more and more attached to her. We made up the following day. And during those two days my feelings for him seemed to fade into the background as she entered the foreground. Then, under his influence, I again re-considered breaking up, until the 16th, when he died in my eyes (romantically), and she took over fully. From then on, it's been nothing short of amazing with her. Yes, I can honestly say, I am totally, utterly in love with her. I can see myself with her long-term. In short, she is the opposite of him: she's everything I want in a romantic partner.

I seriously believe that we will stay together for a long time to come - indefinitely, let's just say. And I plan to ask her to move in with me once I graduate and move into my own place next year. Unless this would be a problem with the 'rents (and maybe even then), there will probably be nothing stopping her.

Life is good.

On a sadder note, I'm becoming less interested in school and am looking forward to graduating more and more each day.
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